business / writers resources

How to Write About Love

teddy-1641_640Because, if you’re a writer, you must. It doesn’t have to be sex but it has to take readers that direction, right to the edge of the cliff. Yes, you can leave the lurid details out, but let readers peek over the edge.

How do you do that? Start with a few decisions:

  • Is it platonic?
  • Is it unrequited?
  • Is there conflict?
  • Is it lust disguised as love?
  • Is it serial love? Or one-of-a-kind?
  • Is it kinky or traditional?
  • Does love bring joy or sadness–or misery?
  • Is the manifestation of love baby-ish or mature–goo-goo eyes and saccharin words or Paris vacations?
  • Is love verbal or silent?
  • Is this love constructive or destructive? Flowery or brutal?
  • what part does the spiritual play in the emotion–or is it uninvolved?
  • Is it a subplot or a cameo?
  • Is it an inciting incident or a throw-away?
  • Is it violent or passive?
  • How did it start? Online or physical world?
  • Are children involved?
  • What are the personal flaws that attracted each to the other?

You may not know any of these answers, but by the end of the book, these questions will drive the actions of the characters.

Another important questions is: What’s your genre? If you’re writing romance, you’ll have to delve into this subject much more than if you write mystery/thrillers. Romance readers buy books as much for the love lost lust as the plot. But not thriller readers. There, if the love interest is secondary to the plot, they’ll be fine. If it’s only alluded to, you will likely still satisfy them. What about literary fiction? Emotion is good. Introspective questioning is better. Romance is secondary.

Love is about emotion. That’s where you write it. How do the character’s feel? Are they distracted at the scent his love interest wears, even when worn by another woman? Or does he barely notice? The reaction of your characters must be in-character. Are they Sheldon (from Big Bang Theory) or Lolita?

When you’ve thought through the emotion, write the backstory. How did your characters meet and fall in love? See if you can answer most of the questions listed above. You may never use this detail in your novel, but it will fill out your understanding of your characters and their motivations.

Still unsure? Read books in your genre. See how your favorite authors wrote about love (because there’s rarely a novel that doesn’t at least touch on it). Take note of what seems particularly effective for you. Borrow the technique, not the words. Ask friends about love. Most people are eager to talk about new hook-ups. Pick their brains.

One final point: A bit of humor is fine. Perfect People and their Riveting Romances are boring–and unrealistic. Who among us hasn’t been stupid in love? Understanding that it is part of the human condition, that we shouldn’t take ourselves as seriously as romeo and Juliet did, got us through it. Granted, if the plot requires a psychological meltdown because of the love interest, forget the humor. It won’t work.

More help with writing emotions:

What Do Emotions Look Like?

How to Show (Not Tell) Emotion–E to O

How do you get readers to trust you?




Jacqui Murray is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. She is webmaster for six blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com and TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, monthly contributor to Today’s Author and a freelance journalist on tech ed topics. In her free time, she is  editor of technology training books for how to integrate technology in education. Currently, she’s editing a techno-thriller that should be out to publishers next summer.

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37 thoughts on “How to Write About Love

  1. I second your motion on perfect romances boring the heck out of people. Even perfect moments (before the ending) within otherwise well-written romances tempt me to close the book. A sound reflection–thank you for sharing! :)

  2. I have been reading Gone Girl the darker side to love we all have it within us. I steer clear of soppy romance it has to have something real in it for me to take interest. Not sure how I would go writing a love scene myself Jacqui. Thanks for the interesting post.

  3. Great! Much helpful to novice writer. Please can, for our [novice writers] benefit give a couple of sentences for each of the different types you mentioned in your piece. Many thanks for continued help. Arun

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