politics / writing

How to Write About Economics and Politics Without P**** People Off

with a sense of humor…

Political  Science for Dummies


DEMOCRAT

You  have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You  feel guilty for being successful.


REPUBLICAN

You  have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST

You  have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to  your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him  how to manage his cow.


COMMUNIST

You  have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides  you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get  it.
It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM,  AMERICAN STYLE

You  have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a  herd of cows.


BUREAUCRACY,  AMERICAN STYLE

You  have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government  pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the  milk down the drain.


AMERICAN  CORPORATION

You  have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself  and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two  cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised  when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the  analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing  expenses.
Your stock goes up.


FRENCH  CORPORATION

You  have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three  cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is  good.


JAPANESE  CORPORATION

You  have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth  the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the  milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded  trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow  school.


GERMAN  CORPORATION

You  have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all  blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and  run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they  also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN  CORPORATION

You  have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


RUSSIAN  CORPORATION

You  have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them  and learn you have five cows.
You have some more  vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42  cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however  many cows you really have.


TALIBAN  CORPORATION

You  have all the cows in Afghanistan   , which are two.
You don’t milk them because  you cannot touch any creature’s private  parts.
You get a $40 million grant from  the US government  to find alternatives to milk production but u se the money  to buy weapons.


IRAQI  CORPORATION

You  have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send  radio tapes of their mooing.


POLISH  CORPORATION

You  have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and  killed attempting to milk them.


BELGIAN  CORPORATION

You  have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes  the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The  French cow wants control of the Flemish  cow’s milk
The cow asks permission to be cut  in half.
The cow dies happy.


FLORIDA  CORPORATION

You  have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the  best looking one.
Some of the people who actually  like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for  neither.
Some people can’t figure out how to vote  at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell  you which one you think is the best-looking  cow.


CALIFORNIA  CORPORATION

You  have millions of cows.
They make  real California   cheese.
Only five speak  English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones  with the big udders.

If I p**** you off, please comment.


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