For the next few months, weekly writing tips will include word choice suggestions. That includes:
- colorful and original descriptions
- pithy words and phrases
- picture nouns and action verbs
- writing that draws a reader in and addicts them to your voice
I keep a collection of descriptions that have pulled me into the books. I’m fascinated how authors can–in just a few words–put me in the middle of their story and make me want to stay there. This one’s on transitions that help your story flow.
A note: These are for inspiration only. They can’t be copied because they’ve been pulled directly from an author’s copyrighted manuscript (intellectual property is immediately copyrighted when published).
Another note: These resonate with me. They may make no sense to your muse. That’s fine–just skip those!
General
- By the middle of September, he had changed his name three times and was in a new place every night. Today was Room 338.
- Ten minutes later, top down on the Corvette, Hootie blaring from his car’s speakers, he cleared Candlestick Point and twenty minutes after that was parking in the courthouse lot 25-miles south.
- Have I done something wrong?
- Ten minutes later, Bosch was standing with the remote control in front of the AV equipment…
- Well, I believe that about covers the situation.
- Ten hours later I was in the coach section.
- I was sitting in the front seat of a patrol car talking to a cop named Cataldo. We were cruising along.
- I spun my wheels for a couple of days until I finally met with …
- Finding Jonathan Parson’s former wife ate up another ninety minutes of his time.
- The song was running through his mind twenty-one years later when the bomb went off.
- “Good, I’m good!” he shouted. We all looked over to see what he could possibly mean.
- It was dark when I got there, and my head was so clear as to be empty. I check in, unpacked, went to the bar and had a sandwich and a couple of beers, went back up to my room and, exhausted from the excitement, went to bed.
- Long gone, despite what Hollywood would have you believe.
- If that’s all you know about Jack Murtha … you don’t know Jack.
- He stopped completely, standing, apparently distracted, outside the hotel, looking at his watch, checking the passersby, watching for someone who hesitated, someone who might slow down and stop.
- If she left now, she’d still make it to St. Camillus to light that candle.
- Frank sat on the tailgate of his glossy new Ford pickup, watching the men in the trench work.
- After some light-hearted banter about the craziness of the music business and the foibles of the various artists, dinner arrived.
- Steered the conversation toward innocuous subjects.
- Rainie was missing. How could he be sitting in a luxury sedan?
- At the best of times, I’m a slow reader, this wasn’t one of those times.
- After hanging up the phone, I ate a solitary late-night snack, did some reading, climbed into bed and eventually got some sleep.
- Led him through greening hills and valleys, but he was only dimly aware of the scenery.
- The subtext is…
- He stirred powdered milk into the dark liquid until it turned the color of caramel.
- They’d covered some of this territory before.
- She sat for a moment, organizing her thoughts on how to proceed.
- Stromsoe was in high school when he met the boy who would someday murder his wife and son.
- I waited. The rain came down hard on the roof of the car. A station wagon with fake wood sides pulled in beside us and a man and woman and three children piled out and scooted through the rain. I could hear the running lines of a power boat as it edged along toward where Hog Island would have been had the day been sunny and clear. I waited. Me and Carl.
- I was going to be late for Susan if I didn’t close this off.
- I was just sitting here wondering what I could do to be nice to you, and now you call.
- If you ever find yourself in the part of the world where France and Germany meet and want your heart broken, drive up…. (describe the scenery).
- Carrying a tray with coffee and cups and cookies, she set it down on the table in front of Abe.
- Kind of guy you wanted out of the gene pool.
- While I waited, I read the vulgar graffiti on the phone box.
- What’s any of this got to do with…
- Just couldn’t get the image of her odd blue eyes out of his head, and he had been dazzled by the firelight shooting burnished copper glints through her luxurious hair.
- Reminded him of his age, his descending career path and his developing sense of isolation.
- I walked all the way around the truck and pondered Weebe’s hypothesis. If I had…
- On both sides of the map were framed photographs (use them to provide background).
- Standing under the hot water, trying to punch holes in his plan.
- Diane was in early the next morning. After a workout at home, she jogged the museum nature trail and took a shower in her office suite. She felt invigorated. Her arm was healing nicely. She did some museum business and had put all the finished papers on Andie’s by the time her assistant arrived. They spent a few minutes discussing museum business, then Diane went upstairs to the crime lab.
- More surprising than the crash was that she was dying in English.
- She’d be landing in about an hour. She’d stop at Heney’s, get Pearl, and go home. She’d feed Pearl, unpack and hang everything up carefully, iron things that had wrinkled, take a bath, put on the pajamas she usually wore when she slept without me, get in bed with Pearl, have a half cup of frozen chocolate yogurt sweetened with aspartame, and watch a movie. Pearl would burrow under the covers and then Susan would fall asleep.
- I ate in the silence and drank my coffee and looked occasionally at Susan’s picture on my desk.
Click for the complete list of 69 writer’s themed descriptions.
More collections:
Jacqui Murray is the author of the popular Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy, and To Hunt a Sub (her debut fiction). She is the author/editor of over a hundred books on integrating tech into education, adjunct professor of technology in education, webmaster for four blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for TeachHUB, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, monthly contributor to Today’s Author and a freelance journalist on tech ed topics. You can find her book at her publisher’s website, Structured Learning.
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Hey Jacqui, these are really helpful. Instant inspiration for writers – thanks again! 👍
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My pleasure. They are unique, aren’t they.
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These are great, Jacqui! Transitions in stories take a lot of work to get just right (it’s amazing how just one sentence can make such a difference) 🙂
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That’s what caught my attention with these. They weren’t simply passing time. They were building the story while they did it.
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I love the topic here and the examples you have provided… I am particularly fond of the ones involving temporary jumps and flashbacks. In this sense, I especially liked: “The song was running through his mind twenty-one years later when the bomb went off” & “I spun my wheels for a couple of days until I finally met with “-” …. Brilliant!.. sending all my best wishes, dear Jacqui. Happy weekend. Aquileana 😉
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I’m with you on those. The mental image is so much bigger than the sum of the words.
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I’d never heard the term of transition in stories until my son mentioned them following his English lesson. They seem to concentrate on just a couple of words but your great selection here makes a lot more sense. Some a mini story in themselves but work well between the scenes. Thanks for hints…gets me thinking, Jacqui.
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They creatively move time forward without saying, “the next day” or “she worked for eight hours”. Those bore me! These 47 are so much better.
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Nice collection Jacqui. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
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You can tell transitions bugged me at one point in my writing because I went in search of solutions.
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Seek and we shall find! 🙂
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I love this! It shows how you can say SO much with so little! Often good writing is all in the little details.
Stephanie
http://stephie5741.blogspot.com
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I love the clever ways authors show the passage of time. So much more than ‘She ate dinner, read her book, and went to bed’.
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Reblogged this on Don Massenzio's Blog.
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Thanks for the reblog!
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You’re welcome.
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I just love all your compilations, they are so useful when for some reasons sometimes, you run out of expressions !!
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I’m a list person so when I’m stuck, that’s where I go. These have saved me more often than I’d like to admit.
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Fan-tab-U-lous! 😀 😀 ❤
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Some writers are so darn clever.
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Sigh. I know. 🤗😎😍😇🤗😍
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Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner.
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Thanks for the reblog!
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I would never have considered using some of these approaches, but there were a few that made me pause and really consider the genius.
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Exactly. They fit the book as I was reading it, but sometimes they have to be in context.
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I love 43. I’ve never died in English. Did bad in Spanish, but not dead.
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I often think of that, just because it’s so unique. Like when I’m stressed, do I think in English or Russian? Or French?
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I found about seven of these to be exceptional, but my absolute favorite is this one:The song was running through his mind twenty-one years later when the bomb went off.
That is a transition to remember!
You’ve compiled an interesting collection, Jacqui.
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Isn’t that great. I think it opened the book, too.
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I can think of so many significant moments in my life or in world history where I also remember the music at the time. That’s why the sentence resonated with me.
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That’s a good point. Duh–I hadn’t thought of that. This is why I miss our chats, Shari.
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Excellent, Jacqui. These are great for showing time passing as well as skipping over unnecessary dialog even though you want to give the impression of conversation. They can also, on occasion, eliminate time-related scene breaks. Very handy!
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All of tjhat is so true. I should have led with that synopsis of when/why to use transitions. Great reasons.
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‘Stromsoe was in high school when he met the boy who would someday murder his wife and son.’
Talk about hooks!
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And it did. I waited for that backstory throughout the entire opening. Fascinating.
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Just in time for NaNoWriMo.
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Oh yes. Cheers and good luck to anyone participating!
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Great list! There are some great examples of how to show the me passing, which can be a challenge sometimes (at least for me).
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Me too, Karen. That’s why I started this list. All my transitions sounded stilted. Now I can read through these and get a sense of how to construct a believable trans.
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Darn autocorrect. I meant time passing, but I’m sure you figured that out!
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That is really helpful, thank you.
Juneta @ Writer’s Gambit
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I often think the way I transition is clunky–until I read these. Then I realize it’s just the way it is.
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Very useful. I noticed that at least a third have some mention of a unit of time; middle of Sep, ten minutes, now, before, etc. That could be a key to transitions.
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Good point. I think you’re on to something. That passage of time–showing days or months elapsed. Good catch.
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Great list, Jacqui. While reading, many left me wanting to know more.
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That’s interesting. I think of these as simply showing time has passed, but it’s definitely good when the reader wants to stay with the story.
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I can use this sort of help; I tend to become repetitive and boring.
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Hmm… Something I’ve never seen from you, but hey–I’ll start paying better attention!
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I appreciate your vote of confidence. I do try to take your writing advice. Guess it’s working better than I first thought!
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Nice ones, Jacqui. I keep a collection also. They help me jump into my story.
Shalom aleichem,
Patricia
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Do you have any good ones I missed?
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Thank you for this – your tips make me think “Right! – You can do this!” when I have been thining ”You can’t do this!’ – usually by Thursday afternoon.
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Oh you absolutely can do this. The hard part for me is tight plotting. That takes me extra effort.
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There is so much to think about at one time! Even in the simplest of plots.
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